I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
