I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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