I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just pee around me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
