Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
