awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize