Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
