i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She announced her abortion via fbk
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
