a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize