Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
