Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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