He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
