No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
