His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have demons in me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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