He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
