the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
