I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't put those talents on a resume
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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