Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
