you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
