captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
