I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
