remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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