we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
