I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
