I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
