oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize