Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
