I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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