Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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