I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
