Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
