I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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