I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
