Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
