Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
