All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
