i think i have two assholes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
MIDGETS
????
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
