happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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