Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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