I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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