I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
