Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
