woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
