My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize