Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
barbara walters just said penis...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
