We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize