i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
