I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
