I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
