just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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