do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
