i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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