i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
