Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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