Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize