Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
