Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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