Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dick very happy bro
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
