shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
