WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
