I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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