everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
