idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
