i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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