i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize