i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
