you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
So. Much. Porn.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
