I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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