dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
