We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
