Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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