Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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