I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
