Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
