im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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