Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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