I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
