I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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